We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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