All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
