Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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