So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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