I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
