Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
