just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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