it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
