She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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