uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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