upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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