Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
