your thong is hanging out like whoa
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
