so let's talk penis.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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