Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
birth control should be required to get into college
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
