I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
