This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
