Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
