My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
