First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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