I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
