she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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