i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
