i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
