Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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