Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
