I think I died a long time ago.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize