My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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