You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
