I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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