They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
