Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
