Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
