is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
