Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
