I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
