found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
