Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
