He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
