hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
