I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
