i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
