Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
