we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
