Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I need moral support for this bender
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
