there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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