last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
