as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
