This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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