your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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