Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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