I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
