So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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