shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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