I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
