I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
