cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
