NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
