i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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