I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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