shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
