I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
