A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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