I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
