I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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