I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize