btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
