Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
