so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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