Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
