Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
