i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
