she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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